What am I doing on here?

I’m supposed to be putting designs together!

So. Thorn Maiden. What’s that about then?

Many years ago, I watch a series of Irish language programmes on the BBC. The fact that most were filmed around Donegal was a big draw – it was fun to spot the different areas.

One episode stuck in my mind – The Thorn Tree*. It wasn’t the setting, but the story. I was aware that hawthorn trees had a special status in Ireland: an old superstition that they should never be cut down. Sometimes, they were called ‘fairy trees’. Supposedly, they were inhabited or protected by Irish fairies – the fay, sidhe, little folk, Tuatha De Danaan, lords and ladies, etc. and so forth. Irish fairies are not the twinkly, fluttering, bluebell-dwelling,  granters of wishes of Victorian England. They’re a troublesome bunch of savages, to be avoided or placated. Leave a bowl of milk on your doorstep, or your cows will go dry. Dress your sons as girls till they’re four, or risk them being stolen. Never travel past a crossroads or a fairy ring or a henge by night, or be driven mad or taken in the dance. Bargains struck with them will always go wrong – for you. Their favour is as damaging as their enmity. They’ll taken you for your beauty, or your talent, or just for the music of your screams.  A right shower, the lot of them. You have been warned.

Personally, I look for the practical reasons behind these old superstitions. Don’t walk under a ladder, not because it’s bad luck, but because the eejit on top of it will probably drop his hammer on your head. Black cats crossing your path are bad luck only if you trip over them, and thirteen is an unfortunate number of guests at a formal déjeuner.  Now, thorn trees have been used forever as boundary markers, hedging, and so on. Great stuff for keeping the sheep contained, and keeping the grockles orff yore laaaaarnd. Funnily enough, if someone were to take an axe to your thorn tree, well, there go the sheep, and all sorts of undesirables would be turning up on your doorstep. Bailiffs and landlords, for example, or that land-grabbing fecker down the road who can now claim that the boundary marker between your farms is that tree 200 yards closer to your house than the one that’s now warming his hearth…

Anyway. The Thorn Maiden. She’s seen only briefly in the programme, a pouty, willowy nymphette with a cloud of dark hair, in wispy robes entirely unsuited to the Irish weather, waving her arms ineffectually at the gasúr chopping down the tree while whortling in a vaguely Enya-like manner. In the story, the wielder of the chopper is driven crazy by this apparition, and forced to make reparations before fleeing the country.

Umm, no. That skinny wee girleen wouldn’t scare the hens off their mash. Somehow, I’d expected to see someone like Bang, my old boarding school matron: a dour, curmudgeonly spinster in stout sensible shoes, carrying a lump of gnarly wood vainly passing itself off as a walking stick. To see Bang bearing down on you with purpose in those dragon eyes was to know true fear**.

That’s my Thorn Maiden – more thran than thorn. Now, get off my laaarrnd!

* Link to PDF about the episode. AFAIK, the video is no longer available.

** Actually, she was a lovely woman. Just scary as all get out.

New Pattern!

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Because You Can Never Have Too Much PI – pi fez!

Okay, it’s a beanie – unless you felt it into shape. And add a tassel. The numbers down the sides list π to 50 decimal places. To  be specific, it starts: Π ≈ 3.14… i.e., π approximates to 3.14, etc. Cos that’s how I roll.

Fun Facts About Π:

  1. 50dp is overkill. Only 39 decimal places of Π are required to calculate anything to redundant levels of precision – for example, you could navigate across the known universe and be no more than one atom’s width from your intended destination at the end. More than my satnav can manage…
  2. The Guinness World Record for memorising Π is held by Lu Chao – 67,890 digits. Some people really have nothing better to do.
  3. Π is known to 10 trillion dp – calculated by Shigero Kondo in October 2011, using an ordinary home computer. Mr Kondo was unavailable to comment at his parents’ basement, as he was waiting for a pizza delivery.

Home again, home again, jiggety jig

Monday midday I got a call from the Children’s Hospital. They had an 8am Tuesday cancellation, if I could get the Mighty Offspring there fasting for his endo and biopsy. Given that his own appointment might be months off, I went for it. MIL drove down and collected us that evening, and drove us to the hospital in the morning (my car is still off the road…).

Mighty Offspring was stellar. He put on such a performance, all the staff loved him. He told jokes, explained the procedure to them, got drinks and ice lollies for the other patients after they came back from surgery. He was a bit sick and woozy after the procedure, but that passed quickly.

The worst moment for me was when he passed out when they gave him the anaesthetic. One moment he was blowing up the “balloon” like a good’un, then his little arm flopped down and his eyes closed. It felt like he’d died. I had to go outside and chain-smoke until the ward sister rang to say he was in recovery. I never want to go through that again, but I will.

The surgeon didn’t see anything on the endo, but he says that in his experience, with MO’s numbers, the biopsy usually comes back positive for coeliac disease. If that happens, he’ll need another endo in six months, to confirm that a gluten-free diet is working. If it’s not positive, the diagnosis will be latent CD, and the endo will have to be repeated in 12 months.

Either way, I’ll have to watch my only baby flop into unconsciousness again. And I’ll do it.

And we’re off –

I got my first pattern accepted for publication!

Can’t say much about it, but it is a typically weirdy thing (see previous post) and will probably be in print in about a year’s time. I actually submitted two designs, as a matching set, but the second was a garment that had a lot more competition. There, I don’t think I’ve given too much away! I’m exploring where I can publish the second pattern. Possibly with a few mods, possibly not.

So now I’m trying to put together the most comprehensive spreadsheet of sizes in the known universe. I’ve got the Craft Yarn Council’s Standards, used by Knitty amongst others, a spreadsheet by Marnie McLean, who is one of those designers whose pieces I recognise instantly, a chart from a bra company that I can’t find online any more (why didn’t I bookmark it!), and sundry other charts for babies, children, teenagers and adults, covering heads, hands, feet, and anything else I can think of. If you’ve got a body part, I want a measurement chart for it. And no, photos are not acceptable. Yech.

Meanwhile, the head is a-buzz with ideas. As part of an effort to be more organised and logical, I’ve created a set of folders on my laptop for calls, submissions, acceptances, random ideas, useful information, etc. Now I’ll have factor in work times to sit down and do a certain amount of work each day.

One thing the submission process taught me is that I desperately need a decent digital camera. My Fuji FinePix, crapulent thing that it was – one snap and the batteries died – has finally departed this mortal coil, and after selecting a new mobile phone specifically for its high-spec camera, the photos from it are corrupted every. single. time. I had to use the thumbnails for my submission… I do have a great selection of film SLRs, but running off an entire film for each submission, then travelling thirty miles to a developer and paying over the odds for digital copies, just to have a single photo of a sample just doesn’t jib with me. Maybe for Knitty, where I’d need to submit the photography, but otherwise? Nah.

Unfortunately, I don’t really understand digital cameras. Megapixels, CCDs, all wash over me. Apparently, for reasons that I don’t really understand, a digital camera with so many MP will produce much better photos than a camera phone with the same MP, all other things being equal. I’m reasonably good at spotting quality film cameras, but digital is still a bit of a mystery. All I really know is, the higher the MP, the bigger the resulting photo can be without degrading the quality, and digital zoom is way less important than optical zoom.

Okay, ya got me. The teacher will out. Supposing you want to print your photo at a fairly high-quality 300dpi (dots per inch = resolution = clarity), and you need a standard-sized 6″ x 4″ photo to fit in your photo frame. The formula for the minimum number of megapixels you need is

MP >= (height x dpi x length x dpi) / 1,000,000, (or (hl.dpi^2)*10^-6 if you prefer)

(6 x 300 x 4 x 300)/1,000,000

MP >= 2.16

So you need a camera with at least 2.16MP for this size of photo at this resolution. However, if you want an A4 (11.7 x 8.3) size photo – the typical size for graduation photos, for example – then the formula goes

MP >= 11.7 x 300 x 8.3 x 300 / 1,000,000

MP >= 8.7399

So realistically, you’ll need 9MP for that special day. Interestingly (well, for me anyway), if you wanted to announce the event in the newspaper, you’d need an image that’s only at 72dpi. How big an image can you send them from your 9MP camera? Well, we can work the formula backwards to get the area of the photo:

 Area = (MP x 1,000,000) / (dpi x dpi)

(9 x 1,000,000) / (72 x 72)

Area = 1 736.11111…

Now, at this point, I would usually square-root the answer to give me a rough value for the height and length of the image – around 41″ x 41″, if you’re interested (I know I am) – or you could try something a bit more principled, like using paper dimensions. The A0 size (46.8″ x 33.1″) comes in about 8MP. For comparison, that’s 1 square metre, about twice the size of a full spread broadsheet newspaper like the New York Times or the Daily Telegraph. You’d need to be really proud of yourself to pay the publication rates for a pullout centerfold poster in any of those…

Tralalalalalalaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…..

I’ve been thinking about my ‘voice’. That’s designing voice, what with me doing a bit of designing these days and all. Apparently it’s really important to find your design voice.

Frankly, I don’t think I’ve done enough to have a voice – 4 designs published, and maybe as many again in the creative pipeline. What do they have in common?

  • 3 knit, 1 crochet.
  • 3 free, 1 pay-for.
  • 4 non-brand-name yarns. I do like my yarn, but the muse comes upon me when I only have DK acrylic.
  • 2 child/baby, 1 any age, 1… erm?!
  • 3 fairly quick/small items, one small but tricky.
  • Only 1 pair of gloves and, so far, no hats, even though these are the things I make most often.
  • 2 accessories, 1 garment.
  • 2 with some colourwork, but bizarrely no cables, even though I love ’em.
  • 4 rather odd things. Okay, 1 joke item, 3 moderately quirky.

The planned designs include (1) babywear, (2) accessories, and (3) adult garments. (1) may include some colourwork, and challenging construction. (2) will also include some colourwork, and some lace, but otherwise quite straightforward. (3) will almost definitely be brand-name yarn, and perhaps some challenging construction. Many in categories (1) and (3) may strike some (~cough!~ boring) people as freaky, weird, or mentally unbalanced, and at least one from category (2) as mildly eccentric. But what do I know, I’m on the moon picking whootleberries.

Strange colourwork in bargain bin mystery yarn.

My voice is cracked.

Ahaha hey…

I’ve been selling some patterns, or at least trying to, on eBay. The first one, a Santeenie, just sold, and the cash arrived straightaway. Hoorah!

But.

It’s bought by someone in Spain. A man. Who has no record of purchasing anything knit-related.

And even though the listing states very clearly off the bat that it’s a pattern, not a knitted item, I am concerned. Concerned enough to butcher the listing through Google Translate, which tells me that he may be under the impression that I am auctioning off my nephew, Reilly. Though, to be fair, this guy has no record of buying babies either, not even creepy reborn dollies like Reilly. The bit about the printed out pattern does survive the GT transmogrification, though, so I am hopeful that he’s at least read that bit.

But but but. I’ve a smidge of experience at translating knitting patterns (including those supposedly already translated – ~cough~ DROPS). It’s not easy. Am I going to be getting emails in Spanish about my estupida patruna?

Is Santa Claus even a Spanish thing??

Are the shops going to be full of Hispanic Santeenie knock-offs this Christmas (well, let’s be realistic, by the August Bank Holiday Weekend)???

Well! Time for my annual post!

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And the big news is (1) I’m a qualified teacher – but no job yet because (2) I’ve moved back to Ireland; and (3) I’m re-branding myself as Thorn Maiden Designs, (4) have opened an Etsy shop, and (5) I have finally got a pattern for sale!!! I’ve also (6) begun self-publishing via Kindle Direct Publishing, but only have a couple of test patterns up atm.

The pattern is Santeenie, ab0ve. It’s a fully-featured snowsuit, also known as a onesie or all-in-one, for a 19″ reborn doll. It is constructed as one piece, except for the hood trim which is picked up, with raglan/saddled shoulders. It has the proper babywear pleating and buttoning down the legs, the little pouchy back for the nappy, attached scratch-mitts (which look HUGE, just as they should), and a long hood featuring icord embellished with a pompom. There’s a smidge of intarsia in creating a buckle on the ‘boots’, which are created as toe-up socks with a short-row heel.

I hope to resize it for real babies in time for next Christmas, and I have a range of other outfits planned.

Heck, I’m doing a tension square right now for my next pattern!

More Gloves…

The black gloves are a pair I made for my teaching placement mentor. The pattern is Susie’s Reading Mitts from Dancing Ewe Yarns, and I used one skein of Katia Merino 100%.  Looks great, and can be used for wiping a whiteboard at a pinch.

The Pi Mitts I made for Pi Day – 14th of March, or 3/14 in American. As in 3.14? Because I have a bit of an obsession with π, as the numerati will deduce from the quote under my avatar. Utterly wasted on the little darlings at school, who are largely unaware of the symbol, and the fact that the decimal places continue beyond .14. But I like them. I started with green as the main colour, but found it didn’t quite ‘pop’ enough for my liking, so the second glove uses the red. It’s Teddy DK, wholly acrylic. They’re a little tight on my hands, but I was in a hurry. The pattern is a free Ravelry download.

Because I am a sucker, I made the skully convertible gloves and the Tam of Rassilon for X at Christmas. He has somehow become totally unequipped for winter, no jumpers, coats, gloves, anything to keep warm. I’d always intended to make both for him anyway, but the separation got in the way. The tam had to be blocked on a pizza dish! It is vast – though doesn’t look it worn. It’s now March, and I think he’s probably lost them already, doubtless on a binge. Certainly haven’t seen him wearing or carrying them since January.

I have deleted all the patterns I had favourited for him on Rav. That’s all, folks. I’m done.

On the right is a Drops shawl pattern, a basic garter-stitch domino specifically for long-repeat yarn, somewhat enlarged by m’self. The yarn is Teksrena 4-ply 100% wool, a Lithuanian yarn I got off eBay. The photo doesn’t do justice to the glowy colours. I call this Burning Embers.

It’s not a pretty-pretty shawl, but what I wanted was a big blankie that I could wrap around myself. It’s been very useful in the late and bitter winter weather we’ve had. It’s big enough to wear like a Faroese shawl, tied at the back. People like it a lot: I always get compliments when I wear it.

And finally for this post, Mickey Mouse. The Mighty Offspring has developed a real fondness for Mickey’s Playhouse, to the point where I am actually prepared to take him to Disneyland Paris for a few days this summer. Not going mad and considering a fortnight in Orlando, just 3 or 4 days. I… do not share his enthusiasm. Never have, even as a child. That squeaky voice just infuriates me. At least he’s dumb at Disneyland.

The pattern is Leisure Arts #3293, Disney Home: Mickey and Minnie Dolls, which I scored off eBay. I want to make it in Sirdar Snowflake, but while collecting the necessary colours, I made this in Teddy Vanguard DK, Spectrum Strata, and Robin Bonny Babe which I had to hand. The shorts come off, and I have an order for pyjamas already…
T’ra!

Accessorise This!

Gloves… I love gloves. Since Kim’s Sockotta Fingerless Gloves pattern went viral in my brain while knitting a pair of fingerless gloves, I’ve been able to pick up needles, wool and produce them with no trouble. In fact, that’s pretty much what I did one day when a friend’s daughter admired a pair my son was wearing – I even did an impromptu cable down the back. Unfortunately, I didn’t get a picture, but I was very pleased with them. I also have a pair of Cotillion Half Gloves to finish off, using some Twilleys of Stamford Freedom Spirit yarn that I received in a swap.

Last summer, we went on our first (and as it transpires, last) family holiday. I had been pushing this for – well, ever, but there was either not enough money, holiday time, or something, and it never happened. However, Summer 2009 I decreed to be the year we would finally go to Sweden. X’s friend emigrated there – well, I told him to go. Sounds good, yes? I scare X’s best friend into leaving the country! But in reality, his girlfriend lived there and their long distance relationship was wearing on them. On his way home from one visit, he bemoaned that he couldn’t just stay there – so I pointed out that he had every right, as an EU citizen, to move to another EU country and sent him some websites on the issue. Six months later… The relationship has since foundered, but he has friends there, a job, and he speaks the language and is even going to university now. All good.

Naturally, I wanted to take some knitting with me to Sweden. We flew out from Stansted at silly o’clock in the morning, necessitating taking a train down the previous evening, and sleeping in the airport until check-in. Then the flight, the bus to Göteborg, the holiday itself, and the return journey – lots of knitting time. Because I can never seem to get any sensible information about flying with needles, and had a steel crochet hook in my check-in luggage confiscated by airport security/customs on another flight before the current terrorist panic, I decided not take anything I would care about losing. So I made a couple of sets of dpns out of bamboo skewers!   There was another motivation: I’d been seeing short dpns mentioned around and about – 5″ and 6″. Never having used anything shorter than 8″, I wondered if these would be useful – after all, I’m fine with circs, and the needle part of them is about 4″-6″. However, I didn’t want to spend money on what might turn out to be nothing more than a multi-pack of cable needles. Like I don’t have enough of them!

I cut the skewers to size and started off using a pencil sharpener to create the points, but this just caused splitting no matter how careful I was. An emery board turned out to be just perfect. Afterwards, I painted them with nail varnish as a quickie way of smoothing the surface. As it happens, the skewers are exactly 2.5mm, spot on. The first set, the 6″ dpns, I painted in gloss colours which only afterwards I realised were Rastafarian. The 5″ set were in more subdued frosted purple, gold and white varnishes. As an aside, the gloss lacquer held up well at first, and stitches passed smoothly over it. However, over time, it seemed to get sticky, and wore away on the points, leading to splits. The frosted varnish, initially grabby because, you know, it’s got slivers of glitter in it, has held up better, and did not wear as badly.

After this, I was on the hunt for a pattern that I could use them on, and decided I deserved some gloves. The yarn is Teddy Picasso Colour-keyed, a DK acrylic: I’ve used the chunky version before for a much-loved jacket.  Due to the colours of the 6″ dpns and the DIY nature of their construction, I dubbed the gloves Jamaica? Why, yes I did! Go on, laugh. I know you want to. The Mighty Offspring noticed me making the gloves and demanded a pair as well, just like mine. This is my own free pattern, the Mitts-to-Mittens – linky on the right.  It took some fiddling to get my own pair to match (sorry about the swirling on the right-hand pic, I think it’s because of shrinking down too much), but you can imagine what it was like with his. The single ball could have made a few more pairs, but not after I’d hacked it to bits. It was worth it. They are Ben 10 gloves. They are Humungasaur hands. He can shoot lasers out of them, and absorb sunlight that turns in to BLOOD. Good value for 69p.

The next pair I made from some Teddy Vanguard chunky in a green so light it is practically fluorescent. I think I got it with the intention of teaching someone to knit. It just happens to be nephew Ben’s favourite colour, and he was thrilled to receive these an hour or so after admiring the MO’s pair. These, naturally, were knit with 8″ 8mm plastic dpns from under the counter in a charity shop, where such shameful items are kept. Why? Don’t be daft. Chunky on 2.5mm? As handy as the DIYdpns were at the time, I’ll be sticking with 8″ plus in future. The 6″ set were okay, but doing the MO’s gloves on the 5″ set nearly ruined me. It might have been the 10 days of knitting with shorter needles, or just the 5″ set, but for the first time ever I got hand pain. I was not knitting much more than usual, possibly slightly less, but my hands, both of them, felt like someone had taken a hatchet to the palms. Varying my hold didn’t help, and even now, over a year later, I still get twinges.

Never again…

T’ra fn

K